FRUSTRATION
“Lee, after you are done with my presentation I need for you to modify it for the sales meeting next week. Barry.”
“Next week” in red and bold face. Lee stares at the screen as he tightens his right fist and presses it into the arm of his desk chair until it creaks. “Bastard,” he mouths soundlessly. Barry had refused to approve Lee’s trip to the conference saying he would go himself. But then he assigns Lee to produce the presentation that justifies going to the conference to begin with. And now to produce version two. It is simply humiliating to work for a hare brain like this. Can’t wait to get out of this dump. Another job. Any job. Who would want to report to an immoral hypocrite like that? But better get to work… But first a drink of water. The lovely silhouette of Bernadette is reflecting in the glass partition as he rounds the corner to the cooler. She is leaning over, getting a stack of cups out of the cabinet. Oh, her legs. Simply stellar. If all these other guys were not within hearing distance he would let out a resounding cat-call whistle. Instead, “Hi there, B!” Lee says cheerily as she straightens up and reaches to insert the stack in the dispenser. “Let me” he says and takes the stack from her, making sure that his hand brushes against her arm as he does so. Smooth, soft skin – heavenly. Bernadette steps back and flashes one of her sparkling smiles. “You are such a gentleman, Lee,” she says in her breathy voice. “Not with everyone!” Lee replies, looking into her eyes. But she shyly lowers her lids and turns to go back to her cubicle. |
Lee sighs deeply, gets some water and turns to go as well. But passing the stairs he decides he needs a smoke before tackling the PowerPoint presentation. So down he goes to the ground floor rear landing, to join the small band of die-hard tobacco addicts, sequestered there to ritually practice their habit. A little like an island for lepers. Alas, no one among the practitioners is from his department – no one he can commiserate with about Barry, the beast.
He flicks his butt over the railing and turns to go back up to the grind stone. He launches the PowerPoint app. It comes up with the company logo as the first slide, ready for him to compose the next. He stares at the screen. It looks fuzzy. He just cannot focus. He sees Bernadette’s brilliant, white teeth emerge from her smile as the screen fades away. Then the outline of her figure, as reflected in the glass. He switches views to show his email screen. Just a quick one-liner to Bernadette: “You look so lovely today!” – a deep breath, he hesitates with his hand over the mouse. The cursor is hovering over the SEND button. Another breath, then click. His IN box shows several new messages. He quickly scans them. All routine and uninteresting, but wait – there is one from Global Macro-Analytics. He pops it open. It is from Geoff, his MIT class mate, with whom he had dinner last month at the local database conference. He had a great time with Geoff, skewering Barry as the quintessential fiend. The autocratic despot of a supervisor. The personification of the Peter Principle: promoted to his level of incompetence. Geoff is writing to ask whether he might be interested in an opening at GMA, on Geoff’s team. Geoff wants to put in his name and thinks there is an excellent chance that Lee can |
have the job. Wow! A chance to get out from under Berry claws! A chance to tell him to go fly a kite and produce his own goddam presentations! Yess!!
And just then a new message: “You are so sweet! – B.” “Can I take you for a drink after work?” “Not today. I have to stay late to finish a report for Barry. But tomorrow?” “Great! I’ll wait for you at the elevator.” This, followed by a smiley face. What he really feels like though doing is letting out a resounding cat call. He clicks “reply” on Geoff’s message. “Dear Geoff, thanks so much for thinking of me. There is nothing I would like more than joining your team at GMA. But just now it’s the wrong moment. There is a new project starting here and I think it gives me an opportunity I cannot turn down. Keep me in mind for the next time, please! Your friend, Lee.” Click. He perfunctorily tries to outline Barry’s presentation, but nothing inspiring comes to mind. He just cannot concentrate. He keeps trying to suppress doubts about having refused Geoff’s job offer. But he does not suppress the many and varied fantasies of Bernadette tomorrow at his favorite bar, and then perhaps later, who knows where… Before he knows it the clock strikes six. He got nothing done, yet feels spent and at the same time strangely energized. He gathers his briefcase in a kind of daze and heads out. Next thing, he is opening the front door of his apartment house, with no recollection of the subway ride or the walk home. |
“Hi honey!” he hears as soon as he gets his door open. Betty sounds cheery and excited. “Did Geoff reach you?”
“Geoff? Why do you ask?” “He called this morning the minute you walked out the door. We talked a while and Geoff said they had a perfect opening for you at GMA. And he was sure he could get you the job! You could get away from that miserable ogre of a boss! I am so happy for you!” Lee is at a loss for words. He is fussing with his briefcase, looks at the mail on the hall table, trying to think of something to say. As he turns toward her, Bess is running to him, beaming, throwing her arms around him, “It will be so wonderful to have the old Lee back again! The fun Lee, the cheerful Lee, not the depressed, annoyed Lee! So tell me about the job, quick!” “Oh, sorry honey. Geoff did call and we talked at length. But their position does not fit my experience unfortunately. They are looking for someone with more IT skills than I have. But Geoff says he expects more openings in the near future. So there is still hope… I hope…” “Oh, bummer. My mom is coming over for dinner tonight, but I was going to suggest that we go out tomorrow and celebrate your new job at a really good restaurant! But to hell with it, why don’t we go anyway?” “Well, maybe another day. Barry wants me at a dinner with a client tomorrow evening. I am so sorry. Nothing but disappointments for you today…” |